Adulting is hard work. The day in and day out with the bills and the ten thousand steps and parenting and what’s for dinner and dusting and the commute and the dog that has no chill and the neglected self care and writing down three things you’re grateful for each day. I need a nap just thinking about it.
Then on top of all the pressure we put on ourselves to create a comfortable life comes the added weight of what strangers and friends alike are thinking about that outfit, your marriage, the paint color in your half bath, the side hustle you keep talking about, the way your kids act in public, your recent post that sort of references politics, and also why you go to “that” church. Deep breath.
Maybe it’s enough already. Actually yes, it’s enough. I’m declaring it. We place so much of our worth in all of these other hands. We feel less than because their television is bigger or their kids are excelling in school and sports or they went on two vacations last year. The truckload of all these unhealthy thoughts can make us absolutely think we’ll never do or be enough to keep up much less win the “I am better than you” wars.
If we stop just long enough to see the bigger picture our whole perspective could change. And okay, maybe you think that’s corny positive psychology. I did too. Until I tried it more than twice. What I’ve learned from the motivational speeches and self help books and seminars really boils down to this:
Be a good compassionate human with a heart for serving others that is never trying to look or be like another and believing you deserve happiness, whatever that means to you. AND DON’T QUIT on that thing your heart keeps nudging you to do. Doing this over time will attract good things in your life and you’ll worry a ton less about what others think. You’ll even find yourself being a more supportive and encouraging soul. Not all the time, but more of the time. The expectation should make you step up your game not give up on your dreams.
I’d love to tell you that at 44 because I’ve put in some time working on me instead of trying to live up to the Instagram life that I skip out of bed at 6am everyday, throw something in the crockpot my whole family will love, listen to an empowering podcast while taking the dog for a three mile walk only to return and gently wake my teenage son for school without noticing the pop tart wrapper and stench of sweat/cologne in his room, kill it at work and have dinner on the table by 6pm. But the truth is there are still days where I sleep until the last possible second, the dog could lose a few pounds, and some weeks we eat out more than I cook. Many days my heart nudges me saying “you can create an advice column” but my brain is paralyzed by the fear of failure and judgement so I just binge watch Dateline and eat my favorite chocolate chip cookies. The difference now though? That no quit thing.
Your life, my life, their life…one is not supposed to look like the next. And how awful would that be! We cannot stop the speeding train that is social media but we can have conversations with the next generation about the importance of healthy competition vs. keeping up with the Joneses. Every once in a while when I’m feeling ever so slightly jealous or less than I try to remember what determines my worth. Is it the likes on my Facebook post or the actual love of my tribe? Is it the cost of my home or the memories made there? Is it my faith or the fear of being judged by it? Is it how others feel about my marriage and parenting or how I’m actually treating my three favorite humans on earth? A little Q&A could change your whole day, it might even spill into two.
I’d like to think by practicing a little self love and being the same person to all the people (most of the time) the fear of expectation will eventually be expelled with one of those deep breaths. And for me, when that day comes, maybe you’ll see “mediocre advice giver” next to my name.
Love.Love.
Sweet Little Light 