The Mean Girl

There are two times I can remember being really really mean with no regard whatsoever for another’s feelings. It happened in my early teen years…I think this is where most of us earn our stripes.

The first time I suppose I was thirsty for attention from some of the more popular kids because I did not hesitate when they told me to write “bitch” on the back of a bus seat.  Although I don’t remember who I did this to, I do remember feeling super cool. For about a minute. I got kicked off the bus and went right back to my painfully shy life where none of those kids came to my rescue.

The second time I didn’t even realize that I was being hurtful because no one knew about it….until they did. My best friend and I put together a slam book where we gossiped about our friends and not so friends. We felt justified because “why was he dating her” and “I would never wear a skirt that short”. One day I got sloppy and left our hurtful words sitting out which inadvertently found their way into the hands of a friend we talked about in the book. She had no problem sharing it with everyone.  We got what we deserved, which if you’re wondering, was total humilation. And even though all was forgiven as there was more pressing drama within a few days, I crammed MG in my locker at J.T. Williams Junior High School in hopes that I’d never see her again.

Some how she still shows up from time to time. I’m sure my teenagers would love to share a story or twelve. But I know how to shut her down now and oh my goodness it feels so much better to be kind than not.

Now I listen to my gut when it begs me to find a nicer way speak to others. I don’t hang on to “that thing she said” 4 years ago. I give customer service a little grace even when I’ve been on hold for 33 ever loving minutes.  I refrain from impolite hand gestures in 5’oclock traffic (Bruno Mars helps). I give myself two seconds and a deep breath before blurting out ugly words that I know I’ll immediately regret. And I follow our house rule…It’s okay to be mad, it’s not okay to be mean. Borrow that one anytime, it’s a game changer.

I’m determined to set the standard for my daughter and teach her how to be kind and full of compassion while being equally strong and prepared for adulting. There’s some cruel stuff going on out there and just maybe she can help change the narrative.

I share this in hopes that it will at least give you pause when choosing your words and actions next time you feel wronged. The mean girl does not benefit your life in any way.  Like at all. So for you and for all the girls growing up with social media punching them in the face at every turn…leave that bitch on the bus.

Love.Love.